Sh!t Not To Say/Do To A Pregnant Woman.

Honestly, the things that come out of people's mouths always amaze me, but when you're pregnant, it seems like the shit they say is even crazier.

I just want to shake some of them.  Like, HELLO! You've decided that it would be smart to have diarrhea of the mouth with a hormonal, child bearing, woman whose patience is already wearing thin... yeah, good luck with that.

"Wow, you're so big!"

What We Really Want To Say - "Yeah, I'm pregnant, what's your excuse?"

I mean, c'mon. You don't know any better than to say that a woman is looking large?!?  You deserve whatever mean thing comes out of our mouth.

"You sure there's only one in there?"

WWRWTS - "Yes.  Asshole."

Sorry, there is nothing else to say back to you... idiot.

"Are you sure that you should be eating/drinking that?"

WWRWTS - "No, but I figure I have one healthy kid, so what the hell!"

SERIOUSLY, butt out.  Do you really think that you have any say in the matter?? Better yet, do you really think that I would put my unborn child in danger.  NO, I wouldn't.  Either way, it's none of your business.  Sure, give me the evil eye bc I am chugging down my DD Iced Mocha Coffee.... it's DECAF.  

"It must really suck that you can't drink!"

WWRWTS - "No, it's awesome, I love watching you sip down that ice cold beer on this super hot day. There's nothing that I enjoy more."

Listen, I CAN drink.  There is no law that makes it ILLEGAL for a pregnant woman to consume alcohol.  None.  I choose not to, because I am a smart and caring mother who only wants the absolute best for my baby.  BUT, I don't need YOU to remind me that I am stone sober while you get all wastey-pants.  You're just rubbing it in basically.

Rubbing the belly.

WWRWTS - "Do I know you?"

UNLESS we are VERY close, I have given you the ok, or you are the man who impregnated me {aka Hubs}, don't touch without a signed permission slip.  It's like, why not just cop a feel at this point.  Or, maybe I should charge you for that?  Back off the bump.  Lol.

Talking {closely} to the belly.

WWRWTS - "I think you need to buy me dinner first."

There are only two people at this point in my life that should be that close to my "lady parts."  My husband and my doctor... not some stranger in the checkout line.  How do you NOT know that that's weird?!

Blaming something on us being pregnant.

WWRWTS - "No, I just don't deal well with stupidity."

Sure, I'll give it to you that we are hormonal and emotional, but if you don't like something we say/do, don't immediately assume that it is because of that.  Most likely, it's because our patience is wearing thin, and you, my friend, are acting like an idiot.

Smoke around us.

WWRWTS -"Thanks for not caring about me and the tiny human growing inside of me.  Please, blow in my direction."

It amazes me that people don't see how wrong it is to smoke around pregnant women.  It's harmful.  To both of us.  Google it, secondhand smoke increases a woman's chance of having a stillborn by 23%,  and increases the risk of birth defects by 13%.  Go FAAAAAAARRRRRR away if you would like to smoke.  Or even have the balls to ask us to leave.  Anything.  I don't let my husband do it around me, why would I let you? UGH!

"How far along are you?"
Ok, I'll admit that there is nothing actually wrong with this question, but your response to our answer could get you in major trouble.  WHATEVER our answer is, whether is be, "3 months," "6 months,"  "9 months,"  the only real response that is acceptable and won't get you into trouble is, "Wow, you look great!"  Anything else, you may as well prepare for a fight, lol.

"You don't look pregnant."
WWRWTS - "So, I just normally look fat to you?"
I know that you are saying with only the BEST intentions here, but a pregnant woman's body INSTANTANEOUSLY goes through a million changes, and we IMMEDIATELY feel pregnant and not ourselves.  SO, although you think that you are paying us a compliment, you should really stick to, "You look amazing!" or "You're glowing!"  Those are much safer options!

So, the next time you come across a pregnant woman, take these into consideration, for your safety. LOL.

And because we need a little sweetness on a Saturday, here's a pic of my baby girl snoozing away in our bed.  Nap time is such a beautiful thing ;)

Isn't she the sweetest?!

The Worst Salesman...ever!

I know that I write about this subject often, but this one takes the cake.  Hands down.

I showed you pics from our gorgeous day on the Seaside boardwalk here, and I would hope that you thought Gwen looked very cute and quite girly.

Right?  Minnie Mouse/polka dotted hoodie, skinny jeans, and some ruffled sandals.

Well, some of you may or may not know that the Seaside Boardwalk is filled with "t-shirt" shops. Yes, just like the "Shore Store"-  but they are up and down the boardwalk.

Usually these stores have someone standing on the outskirts of the store enticing people to come in.

As we were strolling along with Gwen, we passed one of these said stores and a young boy {about 17-19 years old} decide to throw us his best pitch.

Salesboy - "Look at how cute HE is! You should bring HIM in here and we can make HIM a shirt."

Now, I am pretty sure that my family knows how I feel about this, and they wanted to just keep on walking.  But, me?  Oh no.

I stopped dead in my tracks, turned and said...

"She"

SB- "What?"

"She.  This is a little girl"

You would have thought that I shot this poor kid in the leg.  He looked so crushed, embarrassed, and defeated {bc obviously if I had any thought of heading into his store, I definitely was not now}

We all had a good laugh about it and walked on.

Here is the kicker of the story...

Let's fast forward about 2 hours later...

Walking by the SAME store.

SAME salesboy.

He says the exact. same. thing.

No shit. I kid you not.

This time I am holding Gwen as he insults us with the worst sales pitch in the world and I stop and look at him, with my meanest "oh no you didn't...again" look on my face and said...

"She is STILL a girl"

SB- "What?" {Clearly he has forgotten us and also isn't the brightest crayon in the box}

"Yes, remember us from before, when you called her a boy... she's STILL a girl."

The poor kid genuinely looked sorry as he smacked himself in the forehead and stuttered an apology... I couldn't help but laugh.

{This is the reason that I REALLY need Gwen's hair to grow in, like now. lol}

And to be honest, at this point he should have offered to make my son a free t-shirt... no??

xoxo.

I'm Not Here...

...I'm over here today!

One of my first bloggy friends, Natalie, who blogs over at From Corporate to Domestic asked me to guest post for her!  Of course I couldn't say no!

So, please head on over and read my post, then check out Natalie's blog and read all about her AH-dorable son, Nolan AND her other little man on the way! 

Happy Friday to you all!  We have been experiencing some not-so-great weather here lately, pretty dreary, but that can't change my mood today because...

We are going to see the Red Hot Chili Peppers tonight!!! 

{can you tell I am excited?}

Enjoy your day, peeps.

xoxo.