Thursday, October 30, 2014

I Want A New Mommy.

Today was one of my worst days as a mom.  Those words - "I want a new mom" actually came out of my baby girl's mouth.  Over a waffle.  With butter.  And syrup.

Let me back up.

Gwen's eating habits kinda suck.  Her menu is small.  And she would rather me cut off an arm than try something new.  And it takes a RIDICULOUS amount of time. But, this is all my fault.  I've created this.  So, I've just always dealt with it.

Until recently.

I figured that since Gwen is four now and we can communicate a lot easier, that it was the perfect time to start correcting these "issues."

First up... nothing at the table but dinner.

No toys.  No iPad.  No distractions.  Just dinner.  I've been bad with this because when Gwen eats, it's usually just me with the girls here.  I am balancing Gwen's dinner, feeding Addie, and usually making our dinner all at the same time.  So, I am ashamed to say that having Gwen distracted a little while eating... helps me. {cringe}

So yesterday, I laid it down to her.  And she SCREAMED until she threw up.  I shit you not.  I put her to bed at 5pm because she was SO bad.  And I had LOST my cool.  I was SO thrown by the way she reacted.  When Hubs got home, I left.  I got in the car and freaked out.  I was so pissed at the way I handled things.  At how far they had gone {her not eating and being in bed by 5pm AND asleep because of all the crying}.  I prayed that this wouldn't be something she remembers when she grows up.  That she would forgive me in the morning.  And that I would find my patience to deal with it again today.  Because I know, that to change something takes at least two weeks.

She woke up thinking that it was a one time deal.  She loved me again.  But had thought she won the battle.  So I made her usual {as of late} waffles, with butter and syrup.  Put it on the empty table and said, "Ok, baby time for breakfast. Hop on up."

Her lip started to quiver.

"No, baby, you can do this.  Just eat and THEN we can play."

"My belly hurts."

"No it doesn't Gwen, you are just upset that you can't have what you want."

I then feed her a piece of waffle and instead of chewing she SCREAMS at the top  of her lungs.

This continues for longer then I care to remember.  Because all I can hear is her saying, "I want a new mommy."

Now, in the moment, it enraged me.  I knew what she was doing.  She was trying to do anything not to eat the waffle.  A waffle!!! Not like it was a fucking brussel sprout here.  So, I let it go.  But the morning got to the point where she was sent to her room because her screaming led to Addie crying which then led to a shitshow of a morning.  And once she got to her room... I lost it. 

She wants a new mom?!?

I'm that awful?!?

I couldn't contain the tears.

I felt like a failure.

After a few minutes she called me in, asking if she had school.  To which I replied, only if she ate some more.  We compromised.  She ate some more, but not it all.  And she ended up telling me that she didn't want me to go.  She didn't want a new mom.  But, you can't erase that from your mind.

The rest of the day we both treated each other so softly.  Reminding each other that we loved each other.  And dinner... well, it was a big step up from last night {and this morning}.  Tonight she said one more time before I left her room, "I'm sorry Mommy.  I don't want you to go."

I said back to her, "I'm never going anywhere, Gwen. I love you."

Parenting is some ride, man.  Some ride.  

Monday, October 13, 2014

I Don't Have A Baby...

Addie Kay is 10 months old (yesterday), and yes, I know that still makes "a baby," but this kid wants NO part of being a baby.  She is growing up way faster than I could have ever imagined!

She has been walking since a week before she turned 9 months.  AN 8 MONTH OLD WALKER! She basically skipped crawling and went straight to running.  She is miserable in a playpen, high chair, stroller, etc.  She wants to move, move, move.  It's soooo strange seeing this tiny little "doll" running around the house. And it also means that I never get a break... unless she's sleeping.  I do have to admit that I am so proud of her, and love watching her run into my arms.  The. cutest.

Addison also wants NO part of "baby" food.  None.  She sees that bowl and spoon and no matter how hungry, she tightens her lips together, turns her head to the side, and begins flailing her arms in every which way, which usually results in a baby food shower for us both.  She wants "big kid" food and wants to feed it to herself like a "big girl."  So, we have been trying to accommodate her as best we can with soft food that she can handle herself.

She no longer falls asleep in our arms {sniffle, sniffle}.  I have to say that I think this one is the hardest.  We don't plan on having anymore kids, so I was hoping that the baby part would last a little bit longer.  But, no. :(  On the other hand, she is a really GREAT snuggler.  She loves to bury her head in your shoulder and squeeze tight... gets me every time.

I think she is growing and doing so quickly because she wants to keep up with her big sister, whom she adores.  And I will say that I look forward to the day (probably soon) that Gwen and Addie are walking hand in hand, side by side.  I am not, however, looking forward to the day that they form their sister alliance and gang up on mom, lol.  I know that one is inevitable.

I know that it's said the second child grows even faster than the first, but I feel like I have blinked and 10 months has gone by.  Just thinking that she will be turning one in two months blows my mind.  I am pretty sure I'll be a mess. 

Addie Kay, please stay little forever.