Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Accepting This Me

For the past two years, summers mostly, I've struggled with Eczema and skin infections, to the point where I felt TRAPPED in my skin.  In my own body.  Sun hurt, water hurt, I was itching constantly (even though I knew it was making the situation worse), and was completely miserable. I didn't want to get dressed in the morning.  I didn't want to go anywhere.  I wanted to cover every inch of me so no one could see.

I was also struggling my body image, not last summer while I was pregnant, but even more so after having Addie.  I was a wreck. I spent countless hours at the dermatologist, who didn't seem to have any answers for me... I later learned she was a waste of my time (2+ years).

The skin thing would "peak" in the spring and summer, and then would subside (for the most part) in the fall and winter.  But as soon as May, and heat, and humidity came back, so did the problem.

I had had enough.

I needed to take back control.

Right around mid-May, I consulted with my Aunt, who is a Holistic Health Coach, and she helped me find a path that was going to better my life.  She gave me that BOOST that I needed. I knew that by changing what I was putting into my body, my body AND skin would benefit.  And it really has.

I did, however, had to realize a few things before I started...

I didn't get HERE in a day, so I won't be getting THERE in a day.  My body and skin didn't get this way overnight.  I had to see that it took a long time to get to this unhappy place, so it may take some time so get back.  I am a VERY visual person, so the scale (although not what I judge success on) has been my friend.  Even if it wasn't going down, it was encouraging to not see it going up.

Everything takes two weeks.  My Aunt shared this with me, and I am so grateful that she did, because in that first two weeks, there were so many times when I wanted to say, "Fck it, I quit."  But, I didn't.  And after those two weeks, this "change" I made, was just my new normal.  We train ourselves to eat badly, so we have to train ourselves back.

I have to be doing this for just me.  Listen, I am BEYOND lucky that I have a husband that loves me unconditionally.  He tells me all the time how beautiful he thinks I am, but when I don't feel beautiful, it doesn't matter what he says.  I needed to be doing this to make ME happy.... and I mean, let's be serious, when Momma's happy, everyone benefits.

This is a different body than I've had before.  This body of mine, has grown TWO humans dammit.  It's expanded, contracted, widened, and many other things.  I need to be proud of that.  Of this body, no matter what it's shape.  I will never be 23 year old Sam again, and that's ok.

So I changed my eating habits.  For the most part, I took out wheat and dairy.  Now, I'm not saying that there isn't a little blue cheese in my salad here and there, but my go to breakfast is no longer a bagel with a ridiculous amount of cream cheese (although that still is very tempting).  I have been filling my diet with tons of veggies and fruits and protein.  I'm not eating anything that is "boxed or bagged" because processed food pretty much sucks for you.  I'm eating to fuel my body and not just to eat.  And drinking a lot of water.

It's taken thus far, but my skin has been it's clearest in two years AND I am down about 25 lbs!!!!!

I. feel. free.

I am happy with me.  This me.  It IS about the skin and not so much the weight (but it's a pretty great freakin' bonus).  I don't feel trapped by my eating decisions or choices.  I don't feel stuck inside this unfamiliar body.  I feel when I made good eating choices, and feel it even more when I don't.

My happiness has affected my family.  Me being happy, leads to me being more pleasant, a bit more confident, and a lot less cranky (unless my 3 year old is throwing a tantrum).  And each relationship is our house is better for it.

I could not be more thankful to my Aunt for giving me the guidance and strength and ideas to push through with this.  She KNOWS her stuff.  And is so right about our body being about balance and how we need to listen to our body.  If you are having any health issues, or concerns and want to talk to her, you can contact Deb Lyons here.

It feels good to be happy!


Unknown said...

You look awesome! Happy Mama for sure equals a lot of other happy things. Cheers to the veggies!

Natalie said...

Look at you hot momma!