Being In The Moment.

Although the past four weeks {btw I can't believe it has been four weeks already!} have been somewhat of a blur, I have been trying my hardest to stay within the moment.  Even when our toddler is tantruming crying because we put her dinner in the wrong bowl, while our newborn is wailing because she's hungry again, and as the dog is whining/barking to go outside for the fortieth time today... I am trying to just be present.  To not wish it away.  To soak it up.

Because they will never be this little again.  They are growing up by the minute.  Learning new things every second.  They depend on us less every day.  And once it's gone, we don't get it back.

So, I am really pushing myself.  Pushing myself to instead of seeing the nagging  of my toddler to do yet another puzzle, see the admiration  of my little girl that just wants to spend time with her Mommy.  To enjoy the fact that she still calls me "Momma" and with such innocence.  To really hear each and every "I love you"  and let it burn into my memory.

Pushing myself to instead of dreading the early 4am wake up call of my hungry/wet newborn, take the opportunity of my quiet house to sit and bond with her.  To soak up her little fingers and toes.  Her coos.  Her exploring eyes.  Her tight trusting grip on my finger.

Because tomorrow they will be older... not by much, but they will be.

It's not easy... to be in the moment.  Sure there are days that I am counting the seconds until bedtime.  That I need to get out of the house as soon as my husband gets home, even if just to the grocery store.  But, I have realized that one day I won't have these moments.  Yes, there will still be "moments" but they will be different, and I need to enjoy what I have now, while I have it.

We Have Kidsssss :: Our "Oh $hit!" Moments.

Sure.  We knew it was coming.  Obviously.  We knew that we were about to become a family of four.  BUT, that doesn't mean that we were prepared for those moments when it first hit us that we have children and not just a child.

Jason's happened first.

On the morning that Addie and I were supposed to come home there was a snowstorm that was about to hit our area.  My in-laws had a ride ahead of them to get home, so Jason and I decided that it would be best for him to get up early {he slept at the hospital with me} and pick up Gwen so they could head home before the snow, then he and Gwen would come to the hospital and pick us up.  

When he got back to the hospital he told me that he was pulling out of our driveway and as he looked in the rear view mirror he saw two car seats.  "Oh shit!" he said.  We have two kids.  We have kidssssss.  

"How funny?!" I thought to myself, laughing at his panic.

Then it happened to me.

A friend of mine and I were texting and as we were saying our goodbyes, she wrote, "K kiss the girls for me."

Girlsssss. She just said GIRLS.  Like more than one. "OH SHIT."  I'm responsible for more than one.  I'm a mom of two.  A stay-at-home  mom of two.  They out number me now... until Daddy gets home.

Of course we are on cloud nine, but that doesn't mean that we aren't allowed to have those "Oh shit" moments.  Because it can be quite an overwhelming thing, being someone's parent, let alone, more than one someone's parent.

Mom, WHAT Are You Taking Pictures Of?!?

Moments before Addison's delivery, I asked either my mom or Jason to get the camera out and prepare to snap away at our new little princess.  Jason decided that he would rather my mom take the pictures so that he could really be in the moment with me, and my mom happily accepted the task.

Just as they were prepping everything for her arrival and I assumed the position {lol, sorry if tmi}, my mom stood in front and to the left of me.  She was just hanging there, when all of a sudden she picked up the camera and aimed it across me to Jason... but it looked like she was about to shoot some candids of my hoo-haa... so naturally, I reacted...

"Mom, WHAT are you taking pictures of?!?!"

She paused and said, "Well I was going to take a picture of Jason, but it's not working"

And then it hit me, I had set the timer to take 10 pictures that morning while taking pictures of Gwen kissing my belly... and it was just about to snap away.  

"Oh, mom, hurry give it to me!" {Yes, I was just about to push and took a break to fix the camera.}

But it was too late... 

As she was walking towards me, camera now pointing directly in the WRONG place, it began to take 10, I repeat TEN pictures.  I shit you not. click. click. click. click. click. click. click. click. click. click.

I just about died laughing.  My mother had just unknowingly taken X rated photos of her daughter.  Lol!!  

We all had a big laugh about it, I fixed the camera, and then it was back to business.

It was a nice little moment of comic relief right before the big moment, but Thank God for the delete button.

Only me people, only me.

*****

Happy Gwens-day, lovies!

And hey, look at me blogging three days in a row.  Impressive.  No?? 

My Last Bumpdate. 38 Weeks and 1 Week Post Partum

December 11, 2013

December 20, 2013

 How far along?

I am no longer pregnant, YAY!!!  I am one week and one day  postpartum. {written Friday.}

Total weight gain?

38 weeks - Gained that pound I lost back, so we are back to 19 lbs.  Although I feel as though I have gained 100++
Post - I checked the scale today, specifically for this post, and I was 6-7lbs away from my starting weight {hellooo breastfeeding!}

Maternity Clothes?

I wish that I could say that I have said, "Sayonara" to those Maternity Clothes, but I'll be rocking them for a little while longer... not much longer, maybe a few weeks.

Sleep?

38 Weeks - I've been napping most days {when I can}.  And I have been doing really good at night.  Although, I had one night where I could not get comfortable, woke Jason up for help {water and pillows}, cried hysterically because nothing would work, then finally fell asleep.  Yeah, that was a fun night.

1 Week Post - Sleep?? What's that?!  Actually we are doing OK. Addison is waking about twice a night and stays up for about an hour each time.  I've forced myself to nap with Gwen and Addison a few times this week... and I see that becoming a trend in our house.

Best Moment of the Week?

38 Weeks - Finding out at my weekly visit that I am 5cm dilated! And headed to the hospital to meet our girl!

1 Week Post - I can't possibly pick a BEST moment.  I'm in love and enjoying every minute with my family.

Movement?

38 Weeks - Oh, yes.  She was "showing off" for her Daddy the other morning, so much so, that it kinda hurt.  It was A LOT of kicking for six in the morning!

1 Week Post - She is just as much of a mover on the outside as she was on the inside.  She's a little wiggler.

Cravings?

38 Weeks - Well, I can tell you what I am NOT craving, anything Thanksgiving related.  I am so over left overs.  And I guess you could say that I am craving that Apple Cider Sangria that I made last year... oh you can bet your ass that it will be making an appearance at Christmas!!

1 Week Post- Red wine.  And an Italian Sub.  Basically I want everything that I couldn't have while pregnant.

Gender?

All girl.  Miss Addison Kay.  aka. Addie Kay

Labor Signs?

38 Weeks - A few.  I'm dilating as I said, and have had light cramps/contractions since my internal {Wednesday}, but nothing major... yet. {little did I know that I was already starting labor when I wrote that!}
1 Week Post - I've definitely had some afterpains, which were much stronger this time than last.  But overall, I recovered much better this time around than last.  I think because I knew what to expect and there was less for me to be scared of.

Belly Button?

38 Weeks - What belly button?  It doesn't really exist at this point.

1 Week Post - It's back to an innie, but definitely doesn't look like it's old self, yet.

What I Miss?

38 Weeks - Being able to go more than 5 minutes without having to pee.  Being able to bend over without grunting.  Walking without waddling... sad but true.

1 Week Post - Nothing!!! I'm not preggo anymore AND Addison is here!!! Life is good.

What I Am Looking Forward To?

38 Weeks  - Giving birth and meeting our little lady!
1 Week Post -  Christmas... Gwen is sooooo excited for everything Christmas.  She is going to be so much fun! And spending as much time with my little family as possible!

Milestones?

38 Weeks-  Making it full term.  And starting to dilate.  Yay!

1 Week Post- Giving Birth!
**********

Overall we are all adjusting pretty well.  It's been so nice having Jason home, not just for his help, but for the quality time that we are getting!  I honestly can't believe that she has already been here over a week.  Crazy.

Addison Kay.

If you haven't heard the amazing news...  Miss Addison Kay made her appearance into the world on 12/12/13 @ 12:14am.  Weighing in at a WHOPPING 6 lbs. 5 oz. and 20 inches long.  {She is the tiniest little peanut}  AND she has a full head of hair! Imagine that.  She is so beautiful and has stolen all of our hearts already.

So, how's about a little birth story for ya?

Now, my original due date, if you remember, was December 16th, which was then changed to December 25th after my first ultrasound showed that the baby was measuring smaller.  So of course we followed the 25th as our guideline.  But, as the last few weeks came around, and I was starting to dilate progressively each week, Dr. P was convinced that my first due date was the correct one.  She also was appeasing me {who was hell bent on not missing Christmas with Gwen} and agreeing to induce me Dec 19th, IF I hadn't gone on my own already... which she thought I was going to do.  

Well, at my weekly visit, on December 11th, she gave me the news... we were going that night.  I was already dilated 5cm and she was worried that I would end up giving birth on the Turnpike if I was in labor and had one good contraction.  Lol.

We left the appt, in shock, and planned out the next few days, alerting family, and then continued on with our day.

My in-laws came from Pennsylvania to stay with Gwen, which made her super excited, and my mom met us at our house to head over to the hospital together. I DREADED saying goodbye to Gwen.  I thought I wouldn't be able to control my emotions, and I didn't want to scare her.  I did waaay better than I had anticipated.  I brought her into her room, shut the door and explained that Mommy was going to the hospital to get baby Addison and bring her home.  I said that I loved her so much {I'm crying as I write this but didn't when it happened} and that I wanted her to come see me in the morning.  She reacted great, gave me a big squeeze and a kiss and headed out to hang with her Grandpa and Grandma.

We got to the hospital right at our 5pm check-in, but really didn't get to Labor and Delivery until about 6-ish.  They hooked me up to all those crazy monitors {I hate those things! I get what they are used for, but too many beeps and alarms and more things for this hypochondriac to worry about.} and it turns out that I was already contracting on my own. Every 2-4 minutes. Say what?!?!  I had no clue.  Therefore, I couldn't have the Cervadil... and had to wait for my doc.

Dr. P arrived around 7:30pm, explained the situation, and decided at 7:50 to break my water... then the walking began.  Up and down the halls, with husband in tow, walking this baby out of me.  I walked for a while, and when the contractions started to get a little stronger, I decided to rest and let the doctor check me.  I progressed to 6cm, but whenever I layed back down {instead of walking} my contractions STOPPED all together.  FML, right?  So I pushed myself to start walking again.

All this time, Dr. P {and everyone else} kept pushing and asking when I wanted my epidural.  My honest answer was that I wasn't really in AWFUL pain, and I wanted to be able to keep walking as long as possible.  So I waited.

After walking some more, my contractions became regular again and definitely more intense.  So I had them check me again.  I was now 8cm, and decided to cave and get the epidural... because Lord knows I wasn't having this baby without one.   Lol.  {I should mention that Dr. P once again gave me a Xanax, because I was such a nervous wreck... I seriously hate hospitals.}  Right before the epidural, they also gave me something to keep the contractions regular... not Pitocin thankfully, just a little pill.

From there on out, it was pretty quick.

Dr. P came in and asked, "So, Sam... which birthday sounds better, 12/11 or 12/12?"  {I can't say enough how much I love her.}  "12/12" I said.  She agreed.  She checked me again a little after midnight and told us that it was time.

They got the room all ready, and literally two pushes later... Addison Kay was born.

We're in love with our Addie Kay.

I obviously have tons to write about in the next few days/weeks... just need to find the time.  I promise to update you on how Gwen's doing, how we are doing, how my mom accidentally took pictures of all the wrong things during my labor, among many other things.  So stay tuned ;)

Taking a Step Back.

As the end of this pregnancy has gotten closer and closer, I will admit that when people ask, "How are you feeling?" my immediate response is, "Good. Done, but good."  And it's just me being honest.  Being pregnant while being a full time mom to a toddler is no easy feat.  And, maybe because I already know what lies ahead, I've felt kind of "over" the whole pregnant thing.

Then I had a thought.

If we stick to our "plan" of having just two kids {who knows, we may change our minds in a few years}, then... this is it.

This is the last time that I will know the feeling of carrying another life inside me.

The last time that I will feel the kicks, stretches, and hiccups of a growing baby in my belly.

The last time I can embrace my baby bump, something that even though not always the most comfortable is still one of my favorite parts of pregnancy.

So, I need to stop.  I need to take a step back and soak this all up... just in case it never happens again.

Between the hormones, the lack of energy, and the craziness of life in general, it's easy to forget that the "end result" is not just the blessing, the whole process is.

There are women in the world that pay THOUSANDS of dollars for this experience... and some STILL don't get to have it.  So, I need to slow down.

I need to remember that I am lucky.  That this is something I will NEVER get back.  Ok, yeah, MAYBE we'll decide one day that we want to try for another baby, but I won't get this pregnancy back.  I won't be pregnant with Addison again.  And I need to cherish that.

I am going to stop saying that I am "Good. Done, but good." and just say that I am feeling "Good." or "Tired." or "Humongous." or whatever I may be feeling that specific day... but I'm not going to say "Done" anymore.  Because there will be a day that I am actually done being pregnant, and it may just be a sad day.

Wordless Wednesday :: Baby Edition

You may or may not have seen in the past few weeks/months on my personal FB page, that in addition to expecting our little Addison, there are many babies in our world right now.  Two new nephews have come into our lives AND my baby brother is expecting a baby of his own {well, I mean, his wife is, lol}.

Of course, I have to get in all the pics I can because that's just what I do, so here are some of the pictures I've taken recently.

Welcome

Harrison Carter

August 7, 2013

Welcome

Carter Robert

August 21, 2013

And congratulations to Michael and Megan...

Baby "O" due April 2014!

Such great stuff, right?!?  I couldn't be happier for all of them!

Perfection.

Even though she's toddler, and can tear things apart in seconds, or throw tantrums like someone is paying her to do so, there are so many moments that I look at Gwen and just think...

"She is so perfect."

I do.  Sometimes it is when she is in the middle of a deep belly laugh.  Other times it's while she sleeps in the middle of our big {yet not big enough} bed.  Or especially when she says, "I love you so much."

She's just perfect.

And I always then think, "We made her."  That beautiful little being is here because we created her.

I am the most proud when I talk about her.

She is my biggest accomplishment and my greatest reward all wrapped into one.

It was amazing for me to see my best friend experience this same feeling this past week too.  The funny thing is that she didn't even have to say the words, I saw it on her face.  In her smile as she looked at her perfect little baby boy.  In the way she held him and kissed him so sweetly, like he had been here for years.  And I felt elated that she finally got to feel that feeling, because no one can tell you how wonderful it is with just words.

Being a mom is the craziest, most trying, hardest thing I have ever done.  But, it's also the best.  I wouldn't give up being a mom, especially Gwen's, for all the money in the world.