Saturday, July 7, 2012

Why I Have Avoided You

It's been awhile, that I know.

I've avoided you. This. Blogging. Writing. Venting.  Sharing.

Why?

There is no easy way to say this.  No way of sugar coating this.

I sit here writing, watching a man, who taught me many life lessons, loved me unconditionally, and provided so many amazing memories... cling to life.

My Pop-Pop, is currently on hospice at home with his family, and it's more than painful to bear.

I can't believe that this is happening.

I thought he would live forever.

And the even harder part?

Watching the love of his life's heart break, all while taking the absolute best and tenderest care of him.

The good part?

He's home, in NJ, with all of us.  That we all got to see him before it got worse.  That he occasionally smiles and gives us the "pop" wink.  That I can hold his hand, tell him I love him, and feed him some ice cream.

What I don't understand... Why I can't keep him?  I mean, I do understand, but I don't want to accept it. 

What I've learned so far... I have a VERY strong, loving, and supportive family.  I couldn't be more proud of how we have all rallied and "held hands" through this all.  It is not going to get easier, BUT, I think that it is safe to say that we all know we will not take this journey alone.  Not. One. Step.

This is all that I can write right now.  Please bear with me.  I'm shot.  We all are.  But, it's for a great cause.  The best cause...

...my Pop-Pop.

xoxo.

8 comments:

Tammy Primmer said...

Sam this is very touching. I know how much he means to everyone and I agree this is a difficult time for everyone. He is an awesome uncle and it is hard to see him like this. Please call if you need anything.

Alyssa said...

I am so sorry that you're having to go through this! I can only think of how I would feel if I were you and I can't even imagine! It makes me tear up. You are your family are in my thoughts and prayers!

Angie said...

Oh sweetie, I'm so very sorry. My prayers are with you and your family.

Uncle Tony said...

Sam
I too am proud of our family and please know in some way he will always be with us.

Cassidy Magee said...

That first picture is great, it kinda cracks me up lol. Brody didn't believe it was him!

LOVE MELISSA:) said...

Oh hun! I am so sorry to hear. If you ever want to talk, let me know. We death with my husband grandma passing last August and it was the hardest time of my life. Thinking of you!

Natalie said...

Oh I am so sorry my friend...I know this can't be easy. I will keep you guys in my prayers!

Candice Moretti said...

Oh my dear! I am so sorry to hear. I am misty eyed just reading your words. Praying for you and your family during this difficult time.