Size Denial

I realized today that I am in denial.  Size denial.  And not mine.

Weird, right?

As I was dressing Gwen this morning, and we were putting on her size 6 sandals {thank God for warmer weather!} they were a bit tight, actually so tight that she said, "Ouch, Momma, they hurt!"  And I thought, "No, she can't be a size 7 already."

I do that a lot.

Nooo, she can't be in a size 5 diaper.

She's not a 3T, is she?!?

And it became clear.  I am in size denial.  

I don't want her to get any bigger.  I don't want to "move up" a size.  I never have wanted to.

Now, relax, it has nothing to do with "size" like it would if I were talking about myself.  I love knowing that Gwen is growing, and healthy, and getting the nutrients that she needs.  But I want her to stay "little" forever.

Tiny enough to scoop up in my arms.  So little that she fits so perfectly in that little nook when she cuddles with us. 

I guess, underneath it all, I am afraid of her growing up.

That, I will blink and she'll be graduating high school.

I am afraid of not having those baby  moments anymore.

I know that there will be more moments, fun moments, in some ways even better moments.  I am just scared of losing that baby of mine.

Can't I keep her this little?!?!