A Year Without You.

Pop,

I cannot believe that it has been a whole year since you left this Earth.  I just can't.  I can't because, it doesn't seem like 365 days have passed already, yet, it feels like forever since I have seen your face, heard your voice, or given you a big hug and kiss.

Life isn't the same.  Just isn't.

Thankfully, my memory of you is always vivid.  Pictures.  Voicemails.  Videos.  All there to remind me, or lift me up when I am missing you so much.  It doesn't pale in comparison to the real thing, but it'll have to do.

I know that you are up there, watching down on us, all of us.  Our sweet guardian angel.

I hear your voice often.  Telling me that I know better than to chop veggies that way.  Calling me "Sammy" so sweetly and playfully.  Trying to get us all down to AC for a daytrip.  Telling me that you love me, in the most sincere and heartfelt way... makes me smile just thinking about it.

I hope that you are proud of us.  Us, being all your kids and grandkids, and great-grandkids {there's another on the way now :)}.  We have really stuck together.  We have lifted each other up.  Our bond has grown stronger, and it's all because of you.

Today is a hard day... it's no longer "new" that you are gone, yet the pain is still very fresh.  I'm sure that only time will be able to heal me.  I'll be thinking of you, more than usual today, so feel free to send some "signs" my way ;)

I love you and miss you more than I could ever put into words. I can't wait to see your face again.

Love Always,
Sammy

P.S. JJ and Michael took mom golfing today... I'm sure you'll be with them.

Bumpdate :: 18 Weeks

How far along?

18 weeks!

Total weight gain/loss?

I haven't been back to the Dr. yet, but my scale varies a pound or two.  I really am trying to eat as healthy as I can, but there are some things I just can't resist ;)

Maternity clothes?

I literally went down to the basement to dig them out today.  The only things I really plan on using right now are the shorts and pants that I have.  But, mostly I have just been wearing dresses everyday, they are so much easier and way more comfy.

Sleep?

Doing just fine in this department {knock on wood}.  Miss Gwen has even had a few late sleep ins lately, so I am feeling quite refreshed for the most part. I do have to say though, that I have been having some CA-RAAAAZY dreams.  Very realistic, yet pretty "out there."  

Best Moment of the Week?

Spending not just one, but two days with my best friend, Elyse, who is having her baby boy in just a week and a half!!! I took a few pics of the gorgeous momma, and we even got a pic of our baby bellies together.  I met her in Kindergarten and I would never have imagined then that we would one day be standing together taking pics of our "bumps"!!!  I am so excited to be a part of Harrison's life, I know that our kids will be the best of friends, or maybe even boyfriend and girlfriend :)

Movement?

I am still having the "flutters," but the other night, I swear I could feel them from the outside.  I can't wait for Jason and even more so, Gwen to be able to feel the baby move.  {Damn hormones, I cry just thinking about it.}

Food Cravings?

Pickles.  Dill.  I could literally eat a whole jar.  And yesterday was a really cool and brisk day out, so obviously it made me crave everything Pumpkin, especially my Pumpkin Coffee.  

Gender?

Coming soon.

Labor signs?

Not for me.

Belly Button?

Same.

What I Miss?

Deli meat.  Strange, yeah I know... but ham and cheese is my "go-to" lunch.

What I Am Looking Forward To?

VA-CA-TION!  That's right, we are on vacation next week.  A whole week with some of my family at a GOR-GEOUS beach house.  We have a work-free Daddy for the week, and plenty of baby-sitters/entertainers to help with Gwen, therefore this Momma is looking for some relaxation and fun in the sun.  Bring. It. On.

Milestones?

No major ones this week, but we are ever so close to the halfway mark!  Yippee!

 

What Did You Just Say?!

I knew this day was coming.  It was inevitable.  But, just because I knew it would eventually be here, does not mean that I was any less shocked.  

Hubs and I definitely have potty mouths.  Him way more than me.  But, we both are guilty of it.  And many people in our family and extended family share the same trait.  

The car is the worst for the Hubs.  He lacks the ability to "censor" himself as we travel down the Garden State Parkway, or any other road for that matter.  He is the epitome of a "Jersey driver" and it'll never change...  

Today, Gwen and I were driving down to Hubs' work to drop off some lunch for him, when someone {a big truck} cut me off.  Luckily it wasn't a close call, but I still had to say, "WHAT are you doing?"  to which my daughter chimed in... {ready for this?}...

"Are you F!@#ing kidding me?"

My head did the exorcist turn around and I said, "What did you just say?!"

And she kindly repeated, in the sweetest little voice, "Are you F!@#ing kidding me?"

My jaw hit the floor.

"Noooooooooo.  You don't say that."

She immediately apologized, "I sorry Mommy, I won't say that."

She legitimately knew that it was something that shouldn't be said.

It actually took more of me not to burst out laughing than to get mad... at her.  I mean she used it perfectly.  Without any help.  She's more and more like her daddy each day, lol.

Her daddy, on the other hand, was about to catch my wrath.

As we handed him his sandwich, I delivered the news.  And then proceeded to tell him that he was now on "Potty mouth probation."  Indefinitely.  He couldn't help but laugh either, even though I threw him an evil eye.

I even asked her to repeat what she said to her Daddy.  And she wouldn't {good girl}.  She truly knew it was wrong.  

  

I guess we are all on "potty mouth probation," well at least if you want to be around my daughter.  Because even though it was comical at the moment, it's not something that I want to happen again.

Good thing she's adorable...

Have your kids thrown out the F-bomb or something similar??  How did you deal with it?

Miss Independent and Her Control Freak Momma

A wave of independence has swept over my tiny toddler... and it ain't so pretty.  About week ago began the "I want to do it" "I do" "Me do, me do, ME DO" phase.  It's to the point where tantrums are thrown, tears are shed, and days are sometimes ruined.  

For example, last night, while trying to move along the bedtime process, I put Gwen's pjs on {which is something that I do every single night}... she SCREAMED like I was torturing her, then began to rip her pants off, so that she could put them on herself.  Say what now?!?

This hasn't been the only time.  It happens with putting on shoes.  Buckling her belt in the stroller.  Zippering her purse {that we can't leave the house without}.  So on and so on.

It's almost insane.

I want to give her the independence, but I don't want her to think that behaving like a lunatic because she hasn't gotten her way is ok with me.

Is this normal?  Or am I being a bit a of a control freak?

Of course I want her to learn how to be more independent, something that is inevitable... but I need to learn how to navigate this path a little bit better.  For all of us.

I also need to learn to be more patient with parts of this process, but to be honest, spending 20 minutes waiting for her to put on her own shoes when she ultimately needs my help to buckle them, isn't always time efficient.

I never expected this.  Or for it to be an "issue."  Grr. Any advice mommas?

*****

In other news, lol, we spent the day in the city with one of my besties!  She is only 2 weeks away from having her first baby boy!!! Ahh!  I cannot wait to meet little Harrison :)  I took this belly pic of her today.

Bring on baby boy!

Sh!t Not To Say/Do To A Pregnant Woman.

Honestly, the things that come out of people's mouths always amaze me, but when you're pregnant, it seems like the shit they say is even crazier.

I just want to shake some of them.  Like, HELLO! You've decided that it would be smart to have diarrhea of the mouth with a hormonal, child bearing, woman whose patience is already wearing thin... yeah, good luck with that.

"Wow, you're so big!"

What We Really Want To Say - "Yeah, I'm pregnant, what's your excuse?"

I mean, c'mon. You don't know any better than to say that a woman is looking large?!?  You deserve whatever mean thing comes out of our mouth.

"You sure there's only one in there?"

WWRWTS - "Yes.  Asshole."

Sorry, there is nothing else to say back to you... idiot.

"Are you sure that you should be eating/drinking that?"

WWRWTS - "No, but I figure I have one healthy kid, so what the hell!"

SERIOUSLY, butt out.  Do you really think that you have any say in the matter?? Better yet, do you really think that I would put my unborn child in danger.  NO, I wouldn't.  Either way, it's none of your business.  Sure, give me the evil eye bc I am chugging down my DD Iced Mocha Coffee.... it's DECAF.  

"It must really suck that you can't drink!"

WWRWTS - "No, it's awesome, I love watching you sip down that ice cold beer on this super hot day. There's nothing that I enjoy more."

Listen, I CAN drink.  There is no law that makes it ILLEGAL for a pregnant woman to consume alcohol.  None.  I choose not to, because I am a smart and caring mother who only wants the absolute best for my baby.  BUT, I don't need YOU to remind me that I am stone sober while you get all wastey-pants.  You're just rubbing it in basically.

Rubbing the belly.

WWRWTS - "Do I know you?"

UNLESS we are VERY close, I have given you the ok, or you are the man who impregnated me {aka Hubs}, don't touch without a signed permission slip.  It's like, why not just cop a feel at this point.  Or, maybe I should charge you for that?  Back off the bump.  Lol.

Talking {closely} to the belly.

WWRWTS - "I think you need to buy me dinner first."

There are only two people at this point in my life that should be that close to my "lady parts."  My husband and my doctor... not some stranger in the checkout line.  How do you NOT know that that's weird?!

Blaming something on us being pregnant.

WWRWTS - "No, I just don't deal well with stupidity."

Sure, I'll give it to you that we are hormonal and emotional, but if you don't like something we say/do, don't immediately assume that it is because of that.  Most likely, it's because our patience is wearing thin, and you, my friend, are acting like an idiot.

Smoke around us.

WWRWTS -"Thanks for not caring about me and the tiny human growing inside of me.  Please, blow in my direction."

It amazes me that people don't see how wrong it is to smoke around pregnant women.  It's harmful.  To both of us.  Google it, secondhand smoke increases a woman's chance of having a stillborn by 23%,  and increases the risk of birth defects by 13%.  Go FAAAAAAARRRRRR away if you would like to smoke.  Or even have the balls to ask us to leave.  Anything.  I don't let my husband do it around me, why would I let you? UGH!

"How far along are you?"
Ok, I'll admit that there is nothing actually wrong with this question, but your response to our answer could get you in major trouble.  WHATEVER our answer is, whether is be, "3 months," "6 months,"  "9 months,"  the only real response that is acceptable and won't get you into trouble is, "Wow, you look great!"  Anything else, you may as well prepare for a fight, lol.

"You don't look pregnant."
WWRWTS - "So, I just normally look fat to you?"
I know that you are saying with only the BEST intentions here, but a pregnant woman's body INSTANTANEOUSLY goes through a million changes, and we IMMEDIATELY feel pregnant and not ourselves.  SO, although you think that you are paying us a compliment, you should really stick to, "You look amazing!" or "You're glowing!"  Those are much safer options!

So, the next time you come across a pregnant woman, take these into consideration, for your safety. LOL.

And because we need a little sweetness on a Saturday, here's a pic of my baby girl snoozing away in our bed.  Nap time is such a beautiful thing ;)

Isn't she the sweetest?!

Being Away.

This past weekend, we were away from Gwen in Fort Lauderdale for a wedding.  And although it was a nice little getaway, I wanted nothing more than to be with Gwen.  Yea, it's nice being able to do whatever you want, whenever you want... but when I was sitting at the pool, sipping on my virgin pina colada {boo to that}, all I could think was, "Man, I really wish she was here."

There were tons of other little kids, having fun with their parents, giggling and laughing in the sun and the sand.  I couldn't get hometo her fast enough.

We have gone away without her one other time.  She was 8-ish months old and we went to Florida for a few days... I nearly had a breakdown when I got back.  I couldn't believe how much I missed her.  How much I felt like she had changed in just a few short days.  It was unreal.

But, THIS trip was the first one that she really even knew we were gone.  She told us everytime that we FaceTime-d with her, "I miss you."  "You come back now?" and I could have cried each time.  So, you can bet your ass that I did not let that little girl go when I got her back.  I smothered her with hugs and kisses.  I told her a million times how much I loved her and missed her.

Life is so different.  I live for her.  I want to share every moment with her.  Because every moment and memory is better with her in it.

In a few weeks we are going away again, this time as a family, and I am even MORE excited about this vacation.  I can't wait to spend the week away with my little girl... it's gonna be so much fun!!!

I also reached the 17 week mark in this pregnancy on Wednesday... only three more weeks until this bambino is half baked.  Yippee!

This is a low key weekend for us, other than Gwen begging her Daddy to take us to see Turbo.  3 movies in a month, this girl is on a roll!

The Watch Thief

Jason is the worst when it comes to missing items.  It's the truth.  If he  is missing something, the world must stop... he'll look for .2 seconds for whatever the lost item is, then expects me to find it.  Which then throws me into a fit a rage because 1.) Just put the damn thing back where it belongs and then we wouldn't be in this predicament and 2.) It usually isn't hidden very "deeply" and he would have found it himself if he just DARE move something around, or possibly bend over to look under something. {well that was a little bit of a rant, huh?! lol}

Now, when I lose something, do you think that he returns the favor?!  Nope.  "Hey hun, have you seen my..."  "Nope."  And that's it... I'm on my own.  Thanks, pal.

I've learned that this is a "learned" behavior.  He's not looking for the "lost" items or putting them back in their place, because I just find them for him.  So, now, I try to do it less.  I give him all the help that he gives me lol.  

Now, about 2 weeks ago, we were heading out {who knows where to}, when he asked if I had seen his favorite watch.  

"Nope."

He looked for a few minutes, {secretly I did too shh}, but it could not be found. 

He hates going out without that watch.  Like, it can sometimes put a damper on his day, but we went out without it. 

The next day, while he was at work and I was doing daily stuff around the house, I looked in the usual "hiding spots" spots for the watch.  Nothing.

I thought it was strange.

We played the game for the past 2 weeks... "Where did you wear it last?"  "Are you sure you didn't wear it....?"  "Did you check your... ?"  Still nada.

At some point throughout this time, Hubs did ask, "Do you think Gwen could have taken it and hidden it somewhere?"

"No way."  My thoughts were that he was now grasping at straws, blaming the child for his misplacing, lol.  And she doesn't normally take our stuff.  Yes, she hoards the shit out of her things, but when she finds something of ours, she normally comes running to us saying, "Here's your .... Mom/Dad."

So we just moved along and kept looking.

Yesterday, Gwen was playing with a bag of blocks that had been put away for a while in the living room, and as usual, she decided to dump the entire contents out on to the floor to begin building...

...and here is what she had...

OMG! Hubs was right!! We had a little thief in our house!! Lol!

I immediately texted him this picture and wrote, "Look what Gwen had"

His reply? "Gwen Gwen Gwen."

Regardless, he was happy that it was found, but she definitely got a few extra tickles that night.  

My thoughts... she couldn't have gotten it if it were in it's "home."  Hopefully, lesson learned.

Bumpdate :: 15 Weeks

First, thank you so so so much for all of the kind words and advice after my last few posts.  Thankfully, my second trimester is now over, and my sanity patience is coming back, slowly.  I know that all of the things that I was feeling was normal, it's just so much different when you are actually going through it.  To everyone that reached out to me, I appreciated every single word.  You guys are a great little support system.

I'm feeling good lately, tired still, but I blame that on chasing a toddler from sun up to sun down.  I had another appointment with Dr. P last week and all seems to be right on track.  Heard baby's heartbeat again {Gwen got to as well}, which is always a reassuring feeling. :)

How far along?
15 weeks. {16 tomorrow, sorry a little late.}

Total weight gain/loss?
I gained back the one pound that I lost.  As Dr. P said, "You gained a WHOPPING pound."  Lol.  I am very thankful for this, seeing as how I have to be in a bridesmaids dress thist weekend!!  {wish me luck} Then we are shutting down our wedding season for the year {Yay!}.

Maternity clothes?
No, I've been in dresses and skirts most of the time.  And thankfully, my pants aren't too tight yet.  I really do have to start looking for maternity clothes for the colder weather though, because I have NONE.

Sleep?
Still napping, still going to bed somewhat early.  I am happy to say that I am able to sleep through the night {so far} without having to pee a million times.  But, I must admit that this baby definitely sits on my bladder more than Gwen did.

Best Moment of the Week?
Seeing Gwen's face when she heard the baby's heartbeat.  I'm sure she didn't really understand what it was, but she was definitely excited to hear it.  It was very cute.  I think she is going to be a really amazing big sister.  And baby's first flutters! :)

Movement?
I felt my first flutters the other night!! For some strange reason, I didn't think that it would be AS exciting the second time around.  But it sure was.  Maybe because I knew what it was and didn't think it was just gas bubbles.  Lol.  It made me feel much more pregnant.

Food Cravings?
My watermelon cravings are back.  And sweet Jersey corn.  I have stocked up on both this week.

Gender?
Not yet.  We've made our appointment for the gender u/s, and yes, I already tried to change it to a week-ish earlier.  I know, I know, we are the most impatient people in the world.

Labor Signs?
Yeah right.

Belly Button?
No change, although, I will say that it never really went back to "normal" after Gwen... hopefully after this bambino my belly button will still be recognizable!

What I Miss?
Subs.  Ham sandwiches.  And I have a SERIOUS want for clams on the half shell... but I always want them.

What I Am Looking Forward To?
Our weekend get away coming up.  And our family vacation at the end of the month. {Whoooo-hoooo!}  And still waiting for that REAL belly pop... not just a pudgy looking belly.

Milestones?
The end of the first trimester.  Thank the GOOD LORD!