Saturday, July 20, 2013

Sh!t Not To Say/Do To A Pregnant Woman.

Honestly, the things that come out of people's mouths always amaze me, but when you're pregnant, it seems like the shit they say is even crazier.

I just want to shake some of them.  Like, HELLO! You've decided that it would be smart to have diarrhea of the mouth with a hormonal, child bearing, woman whose patience is already wearing thin... yeah, good luck with that.

"Wow, you're so big!"
What We Really Want To Say - "Yeah, I'm pregnant, what's your excuse?"
I mean, c'mon. You don't know any better than to say that a woman is looking large?!?  You deserve whatever mean thing comes out of our mouth.

"You sure there's only one in there?"
WWRWTS - "Yes.  Asshole."
Sorry, there is nothing else to say back to you... idiot.

"Are you sure that you should be eating/drinking that?"
WWRWTS - "No, but I figure I have one healthy kid, so what the hell!"
SERIOUSLY, butt out.  Do you really think that you have any say in the matter?? Better yet, do you really think that I would put my unborn child in danger.  NO, I wouldn't.  Either way, it's none of your business.  Sure, give me the evil eye bc I am chugging down my DD Iced Mocha Coffee.... it's DECAF.  

"It must really suck that you can't drink!"
WWRWTS - "No, it's awesome, I love watching you sip down that ice cold beer on this super hot day. There's nothing that I enjoy more."
Listen, I CAN drink.  There is no law that makes it ILLEGAL for a pregnant woman to consume alcohol.  None.  I choose not to, because I am a smart and caring mother who only wants the absolute best for my baby.  BUT, I don't need YOU to remind me that I am stone sober while you get all wastey-pants.  You're just rubbing it in basically.

Rubbing the belly.
WWRWTS - "Do I know you?"
UNLESS we are VERY close, I have given you the ok, or you are the man who impregnated me {aka Hubs}, don't touch without a signed permission slip.  It's like, why not just cop a feel at this point.  Or, maybe I should charge you for that?  Back off the bump.  Lol.

Talking {closely} to the belly.
WWRWTS - "I think you need to buy me dinner first."
There are only two people at this point in my life that should be that close to my "lady parts."  My husband and my doctor... not some stranger in the checkout line.  How do you NOT know that that's weird?!

Blaming something on us being pregnant.
WWRWTS - "No, I just don't deal well with stupidity."
Sure, I'll give it to you that we are hormonal and emotional, but if you don't like something we say/do, don't immediately assume that it is because of that.  Most likely, it's because our patience is wearing thin, and you, my friend, are acting like an idiot.

Smoke around us.
WWRWTS -"Thanks for not caring about me and the tiny human growing inside of me.  Please, blow in my direction."
It amazes me that people don't see how wrong it is to smoke around pregnant women.  It's harmful.  To both of us.  Google it, secondhand smoke increases a woman's chance of having a stillborn by 23%,  and increases the risk of birth defects by 13%.  Go FAAAAAAARRRRRR away if you would like to smoke.  Or even have the balls to ask us to leave.  Anything.  I don't let my husband do it around me, why would I let you? UGH!

"How far along are you?"
Ok, I'll admit that there is nothing actually wrong with this question, but your response to our answer could get you in major trouble.  WHATEVER our answer is, whether is be, "3 months," "6 months,"  "9 months,"  the only real response that is acceptable and won't get you into trouble is, "Wow, you look great!"  Anything else, you may as well prepare for a fight, lol.

"You don't look pregnant."
WWRWTS - "So, I just normally look fat to you?"
I know that you are saying with only the BEST intentions here, but a pregnant woman's body INSTANTANEOUSLY goes through a million changes, and we IMMEDIATELY feel pregnant and not ourselves.  SO, although you think that you are paying us a compliment, you should really stick to, "You look amazing!" or "You're glowing!"  Those are much safer options!

So, the next time you come across a pregnant woman, take these into consideration, for your safety. LOL.

And because we need a little sweetness on a Saturday, here's a pic of my baby girl snoozing away in our bed.  Nap time is such a beautiful thing ;)

Isn't she the sweetest?!


Carolynn Markey said...

Wow, these are funny. I've never had kids but my sister has two and she still gets people coming up to her and asking her "are you really going to let your four year old climb that tree?" My sis: yeah, if he wants too. I want him to be adventurous!


Peggy Aront said...

Every single comment is right on the money! People invade pregnant women's space all the time and you want to say "what the F".....

That girl of yours gets more stinkin cute every picture I see....

Stay cool!!!

OH, and did Jen tell you she's coming up for the eye doctor on the 30th? We both have appointments at 9:45 then we're gonna hang out at the pool for the day... You're more than welcome to come down and hang out.

Valerie said...

I love you blog!!! You should add what not to say to a woman after she gives birth! When Kaycee was 7 weeks old i went back to work. My second customer of the day decided to say wow i didn't recognize you, you got so fat! I thought he was joking. He continued for 25 mins telling me what i could do to look better! I was in shock couldn't really say anything, but when i finally said you know i just had a baby 7 weeks ago he said...... (drum roll please) I needed to stop making excuses for the way i look!!!! WTF is wrong with people!!!