Thursday, August 30, 2012

It hasn't gotten easier

It's been a month.  A month since we lost Pop.  And it feels like an eternity without him.

It hasn't gotten easier.

Is it supposed to?

In just a month, there have been SO many moments that all I can think is, "Pop should be here."

My heart aches.

It aches even more to watch my Mam-Mom readjust to her life without him.  She is such a strong person, but this is more than I think she expected. It's not fair. Her favorite place in the world has been taken away from her... because it was wherever he was.

Pop was my brother's best friend, and he wasn't there to watch him marry the love of his life.  Yes, I know he "was there," but it wasn't the same.  Something was missing.  HE was missing.  His laugh.  His smile.  His hugs. He should have been in the pictures.  On the dance floor with his arms wrapped around his sweetheart.

I miss him.  So much.

I have a voicemail from him from May.  He was so jolly, so positive, so him.  I play it all the time.  Just to hear his voice.  To hear him call me "Saaaaaammmmmmmmyy".  I hate when people call me "Sammy," except him.

I feel so confused about it all.  I'm sad.  I feel selfish for wanting him back.  My heart is so heavy.

I know that 81 years is a long time... but I feel like the 28 that I got to spend with him, just wasn't enough.



xoxo.

2 comments:

LOVE MELISSA:) said...

Oh Sam. I am so sorry. I actually didn't see he passed. My thoughts are with you!

the workaholic momma said...

I'm so so sorry...time plays tricks on us...just when it seems like things might be getting a little better it all comes rushing back. Thinking of you, girl and sending hugs your way!!