Friday, April 1, 2011

Letters To Gwen

     Last night was just an ordinary Thursday night, except for the fact that I think I stumbled upon a very special idea.  I can't really say why, or what made me think of it, maybe I was so caught up in the moment of how much joy Gwen brings to my (our) live(s), of how full I am with love for her. 

     Let me back up.  In an average day, I kiss Gwen over 100 times, within the first hour or two that she is awake.  I tell her I love her more times than I can count.  I hug and snuggle her every single chance that I get.  We dance, we laugh, we play, we "talk," and come the end of the day, although I am ready for a break, for some "Mommy Time," I watch the monitor, and could go wake her up just to squeeze her one more time... Don't let me mislead you, I DON'T, I KNOW BETTER, lol... but so much of me wants to.

     I completely understand that parenting will get harder, that there will be struggles, MAJOR struggles, that there will be days that she "hates" me, that I will want to ground her until she is 45, that we will not be "friends" until later in life.  But, right now, I am in my GLORY!  And even though I tell her over and over again how much she means to me, she doesn't fully understand right now.  So, I have decided to write it down...

     I want to write a series of letters to Gwen, at different stages of her life, telling her what life is like at each point, how much I love her, what accomplishments have happened, just write to her from the heart.  I don't have a set timeline, I'm not telling myself "You must write one once a year" or for specific occasions, just when I feel like it is the right time.  I don't want them to be monotonous either, I think that is why I would like them to be spread out. 

     I want to save them all in a safe place for her, and maybe give them to her when she is ready to have a baby of her own.  I don't know all the details, I am just going with it right now.  The first letter is written, and I feel really great about it.  I want to keep them between just us, but I will share a snippet of the first one:

"I loved you before I had even met you, and the minute you were born, I knew what my purpose in life was... I was meant to be your Mommy"

     Cheesy?  Maybe.  But, there is so much that I want her to know.  Regardless, I will never lose this feeling, but writing while "in the moment" seems like the right thing to do. 

Feeling inspired.  Hope it is as great as I imagine.

Have a fantastic night.  I am going to have some "Mommy Time."  :)


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