I Want A New Mommy.

Today was one of my worst days as a mom.  Those words - "I want a new mom" actually came out of my baby girl's mouth.  Over a waffle.  With butter.  And syrup.

Let me back up.

Gwen's eating habits kinda suck.  Her menu is small.  And she would rather me cut off an arm than try something new.  And it takes a RIDICULOUS amount of time. But, this is all my fault.  I've created this.  So, I've just always dealt with it.

Until recently.

I figured that since Gwen is four now and we can communicate a lot easier, that it was the perfect time to start correcting these "issues."

First up... nothing at the table but dinner.

No toys.  No iPad.  No distractions.  Just dinner.  I've been bad with this because when Gwen eats, it's usually just me with the girls here.  I am balancing Gwen's dinner, feeding Addie, and usually making our dinner all at the same time.  So, I am ashamed to say that having Gwen distracted a little while eating... helps me. {cringe}

So yesterday, I laid it down to her.  And she SCREAMED until she threw up.  I shit you not.  I put her to bed at 5pm because she was SO bad.  And I had LOST my cool.  I was SO thrown by the way she reacted.  When Hubs got home, I left.  I got in the car and freaked out.  I was so pissed at the way I handled things.  At how far they had gone {her not eating and being in bed by 5pm AND asleep because of all the crying}.  I prayed that this wouldn't be something she remembers when she grows up.  That she would forgive me in the morning.  And that I would find my patience to deal with it again today.  Because I know, that to change something takes at least two weeks.

She woke up thinking that it was a one time deal.  She loved me again.  But had thought she won the battle.  So I made her usual {as of late} waffles, with butter and syrup.  Put it on the empty table and said, "Ok, baby time for breakfast. Hop on up."

Her lip started to quiver.

"No, baby, you can do this.  Just eat and THEN we can play."

"My belly hurts."

"No it doesn't Gwen, you are just upset that you can't have what you want."

I then feed her a piece of waffle and instead of chewing she SCREAMS at the top  of her lungs.

This continues for longer then I care to remember.  Because all I can hear is her saying, "I want a new mommy."

Now, in the moment, it enraged me.  I knew what she was doing.  She was trying to do anything not to eat the waffle.  A waffle!!! Not like it was a fucking brussel sprout here.  So, I let it go.  But the morning got to the point where she was sent to her room because her screaming led to Addie crying which then led to a shitshow of a morning.  And once she got to her room... I lost it. 

She wants a new mom?!?

I'm that awful?!?

I couldn't contain the tears.

I felt like a failure.

After a few minutes she called me in, asking if she had school.  To which I replied, only if she ate some more.  We compromised.  She ate some more, but not it all.  And she ended up telling me that she didn't want me to go.  She didn't want a new mom.  But, you can't erase that from your mind.

The rest of the day we both treated each other so softly.  Reminding each other that we loved each other.  And dinner... well, it was a big step up from last night {and this morning}.  Tonight she said one more time before I left her room, "I'm sorry Mommy.  I don't want you to go."

I said back to her, "I'm never going anywhere, Gwen. I love you."

Parenting is some ride, man.  Some ride.  

I Don't Have A Baby...

Addie Kay is 10 months old (yesterday), and yes, I know that still makes "a baby," but this kid wants NO part of being a baby.  She is growing up way faster than I could have ever imagined!

She has been walking since a week before she turned 9 months.  AN 8 MONTH OLD WALKER! She basically skipped crawling and went straight to running.  She is miserable in a playpen, high chair, stroller, etc.  She wants to move, move, move.  It's soooo strange seeing this tiny little "doll" running around the house. And it also means that I never get a break... unless she's sleeping.  I do have to admit that I am so proud of her, and love watching her run into my arms.  The. cutest.

Addison also wants NO part of "baby" food.  None.  She sees that bowl and spoon and no matter how hungry, she tightens her lips together, turns her head to the side, and begins flailing her arms in every which way, which usually results in a baby food shower for us both.  She wants "big kid" food and wants to feed it to herself like a "big girl."  So, we have been trying to accommodate her as best we can with soft food that she can handle herself.

She no longer falls asleep in our arms {sniffle, sniffle}.  I have to say that I think this one is the hardest.  We don't plan on having anymore kids, so I was hoping that the baby part would last a little bit longer.  But, no. :(  On the other hand, she is a really GREAT snuggler.  She loves to bury her head in your shoulder and squeeze tight... gets me every time.

I think she is growing and doing so quickly because she wants to keep up with her big sister, whom she adores.  And I will say that I look forward to the day (probably soon) that Gwen and Addie are walking hand in hand, side by side.  I am not, however, looking forward to the day that they form their sister alliance and gang up on mom, lol.  I know that one is inevitable.

I know that it's said the second child grows even faster than the first, but I feel like I have blinked and 10 months has gone by.  Just thinking that she will be turning one in two months blows my mind.  I am pretty sure I'll be a mess. 

Addie Kay, please stay little forever.

4 Years.

My Sweet Gwenyth Cynthia,

Four years ago, you came into the world and changed so many lives.  Four years ago, you gave your Daddy and I the GREATEST gift we could ever have been given.  You let us be your parents.

You are growing too fast, baby girl.  You're smarter than we can keep up with.  You have a heart of gold.  You radiate unconditional love. Your laugh is infectious.  Your smile melts hearts.  You are, and will always be, our baby girl.

I told you last night, that I was so sad that you were growing up, and without skipping a beat, you told me not to be sad, "be happy, I'm a big girl."  And you're right.  I will be happy.  Because, I could not be prouder to be your mom.  You have taught me so much about life, and made me realize what I was put on this Earth to do.

You are such an amazing little girl.  You mean so much to us.  You are the best big sister to your Addiecakes,  No one makes her laugh and smile like you do.  You are a bright ray of sunshine.

 

We love you more than we could ever put into words.  We love you, through and through...

Happy 4th Birthday to the coolest, silliest, sweetest, most beautiful girl in the whole world... our Gwen-bo-ben.

Love Always,
Mommy, Daddy & Addie Kay

Remembering.

I used to think that when people said they knew exactly where the were the moment JFK was shot, or a war began, etc., that there was NO WAY they knew EXACTLY every detail.  I thought, "not possible."  Until September 11, 2001.

I was 17.  I was a senior in Mr. Andrews' Marketing class.  It was the strangest, eeriest, most confusing day, to say the least.  I remember being in denial that it could possibly be "on purpose," or a terrorist attack.  Then, feeling violated.  "What was happening?!"  Even if it wasn't being said, there was panic throughout the halls.  Quiet panic.

I remember calling out of work and going to home to an empty house while my mom was still at work for a little while.  I had been home alone plenty of times.  But, this was different.  I didn't want to be alone.  I couldn't grasp what I was seeing. What was happening.  I remember worrying, "Is it over yet?!"  I lived in a town with a power plant, "Was that next?!"  It was the most unsafe I (as well as many others) have ever felt, to this day.

The world changed that day.  At 17, I became a lot less naive about the world that I lived in.  A lot more skeptical.  A bit less carefree.  I'm sure we all did.

I didn't lose any family or friends, but I did feel loss.  And with each year, I feel more and more emotional about it.  I see the children who were young, sometimes even infants or yet to be born when their loved ones were taken, and I, now a mom, cry at the thought that they don't know their moms or dads.  Or I see the husbands and wives who's "happily ever after" was cut short and I, now a wife, feel their heartache.

It's so strange because with each year, I feel more affected by the loss of innocence.  This year especially.

My Uncle, Tom, is a fireman for the NYFD.  He was not my uncle at the time, but is now, and I am always in awe of his bravery, and how humble he is while doing it.  He responded to Ground Zero that day and spent many months helping in the recovery.  I've heard him tell stories of that day, of the brothers he lost, and how apocalyptic it was.

I don't think I could put into words how much I admire him.  He's a great guy and our family is lucky to have him as a part of ours.

He gave Hubs and I the most amazing opportunity this summer.  When the 9/11 Museum opened, they first opened it up to all of the first responders, their families, and residents of the area, and he let us go with him.

To say that it was emotional is the understatements of all understatements.  It was like it had happened the day before. It was tragic, yet beautiful.  Hubs and I sort of felt like outsiders because we knew that everyone we were walking around with were there.  These were THEIR memories, they LIVED right in it.  We would be walking around looking at pictures and hear people (including my uncle) say, "Oh look, there's _____" It was surreal.  Things like wallets and eyeglasses, and bikes. Broadcasts from the moment it was happening... one minute they were talking about who's dating who in the celebrity world, and the next we were under attack.  Voice mails to and from loved ones... the last ever exchanged.  The dispatch calls, calling pretty much every possible unit who wasn't already there.  It was unbelievable.

We were there for a few hours, yet I am sure that we could have spent even more.

I am so thankful for that experience, and one day, when they are old enough to comprehend it, I will walk with my girls through the museum and tell my "I remember" story.  And show them that among all of this chaos, we, as a nation, as human beings, persevered.  That good will always win over evil.

I will Never Forget  that day.  Thank you to all the men and women who serve our country, the people who put their lives on the line for the safety of others.  You are heroes that walk among us.

Mom Guilt

It's been just about four years since I've "worked".  I know, I know, I DO work, but I mean, leave the house, commute, collect a paycheck-kind of work.  I feel extremely blessed to spend every day with my kiddos, but that doesn't mean that I haven't dealt with "Mom Guilt".

The most ridiculous thing is that the only one who guilts me... is me. Dumb, but true.

Hubs is super supportive in so many ways about me being a SAHM.  I mean, we do have the occasional "You think I have a party every day at work" "No, but you do shit by yourself, right?" argument, but he is the first one to accept cooking dinner because I seem fried {or just because}, the first one to say "Go. Just go." when the day is long and I am not asking for a break.  He's truly great. He prefers that I am home with them... just as much as me.

It's me who, once I finally step foot outside of the house without a diaper bag or kids, feels like "I should be with them." Or "I shouldn't be this tired or stressed out." It's me who "reprimands" myself for not being more patient, or creative, or whatever other critique I can put on myself.

I also find myself cringing sometimes when answering the question, "What do you do?"  "Oh, I'm just a stay-at-home mom."  Like, wtf, Sam?!  What I do is important.  And just because I don't bring home a paycheck, I am saving my family money by being the childcare.  So WHY do I do that??? What I do is just as important as anyone else, and I should be proud of it.

It's such a strange thing, Mom guilt.  It makes me question myself more than I ever could have imagined. I am lucky enough to have these beautiful little reminders that I am doing something right, something that matters, that I am doing a good "job"...

Friday Five.

ONE.
Addie Kay is 8 months old {Hold me.} and a crawling MACHINE.  She gets p-i-s-s-e-d when "contained" in a playpen and such.  Like YELLS.  She wants her freedom, dammit.  Girlfriend is also standing on her own. Not for super long amounts of time, but still.  I think there's a good possibility that I could have a walker before 10 months... Lord help me.

TWO.
Momma is counting down the days until Pumpkin coffee arrives at DD {Sept. 1st}.  I am looking forward to fall, and football and all things pumpkin.  I may have already had an Octoberfest already... and may or may not be drinking one now.  I am pumpkin/fall READY.  I have loved this summer and will be sad to see it go, but nothing compares to Fall.  Nothing.

THREE.
ALS Ice Bucket Challenge "Haters."  You're dumb.  Yeah, yeah, you're charitable every day.  And dumping water over our heads isn't doing anything for ALS.  Shut. The. Front. Door.  We're all talking about ALS, no?? More people than probably ever are donating to the cause.  But, you still need to be Debbie Downer, right?? Again.  You're dumb.  You're those people that need to complain/argue about everything. Chill out.  Actually, dump a bucket of ice water on your head... it'll help.

FOUR.
Oh, four.  Miss Gwen will be four in a few weeks.  And although she makes me want to drink wine with breakfast lose my mind on the reg, she's a really smart and funny and {of course} beautiful little lady.  She loves life and has a huge heart, just like her Daddy.  She's also a human MAP.  Seriously.  When I tell her where we are going, she immediately tells me which direction I need to be going.  My brother was just like that, so she must get it from him.  I could cry that she isn't my little baby anymore, but love the new adventures we have each day.

FIVE.
The five day "fluke."  Last Thursday, was Gwen's first "dry" night without a Pull-Up.  The she went the rest of our long weekend the same way, even while away from home.  Then, when we got home she had another accident... and every night since then.  Tonight I am putting a Pull-Up back on her, because honestly, I can't handle another night of crying and her ending up in our bed.  Any tips for training through the night??

Hope you have a great weekend!

Accepting This Me

For the past two years, summers mostly, I've struggled with Eczema and skin infections, to the point where I felt TRAPPED in my skin.  In my own body.  Sun hurt, water hurt, I was itching constantly (even though I knew it was making the situation worse), and was completely miserable. I didn't want to get dressed in the morning.  I didn't want to go anywhere.  I wanted to cover every inch of me so no one could see.

I was also struggling my body image, not last summer while I was pregnant, but even more so after having Addie.  I was a wreck. I spent countless hours at the dermatologist, who didn't seem to have any answers for me... I later learned she was a waste of my time (2+ years).

The skin thing would "peak" in the spring and summer, and then would subside (for the most part) in the fall and winter.  But as soon as May, and heat, and humidity came back, so did the problem.

I had had enough.

I needed to take back control.

Right around mid-May, I consulted with my Aunt, who is a Holistic Health Coach, and she helped me find a path that was going to better my life.  She gave me that BOOST that I needed. I knew that by changing what I was putting into my body, my body AND skin would benefit.  And it really has.

I did, however, had to realize a few things before I started...

I didn't get HERE in a day, so I won't be getting THERE in a day.  My body and skin didn't get this way overnight.  I had to see that it took a long time to get to this unhappy place, so it may take some time so get back.  I am a VERY visual person, so the scale (although not what I judge success on) has been my friend.  Even if it wasn't going down, it was encouraging to not see it going up.

Everything takes two weeks.  My Aunt shared this with me, and I am so grateful that she did, because in that first two weeks, there were so many times when I wanted to say, "Fck it, I quit."  But, I didn't.  And after those two weeks, this "change" I made, was just my new normal.  We train ourselves to eat badly, so we have to train ourselves back.

I have to be doing this for just me.  Listen, I am BEYOND lucky that I have a husband that loves me unconditionally.  He tells me all the time how beautiful he thinks I am, but when I don't feel beautiful, it doesn't matter what he says.  I needed to be doing this to make ME happy.... and I mean, let's be serious, when Momma's happy, everyone benefits.

This is a different body than I've had before.  This body of mine, has grown TWO humans dammit.  It's expanded, contracted, widened, and many other things.  I need to be proud of that.  Of this body, no matter what it's shape.  I will never be 23 year old Sam again, and that's ok.

So I changed my eating habits.  For the most part, I took out wheat and dairy.  Now, I'm not saying that there isn't a little blue cheese in my salad here and there, but my go to breakfast is no longer a bagel with a ridiculous amount of cream cheese (although that still is very tempting).  I have been filling my diet with tons of veggies and fruits and protein.  I'm not eating anything that is "boxed or bagged" because processed food pretty much sucks for you.  I'm eating to fuel my body and not just to eat.  And drinking a lot of water.

It's taken thus far, but my skin has been it's clearest in two years AND I am down about 25 lbs!!!!!

I. feel. free.

I am happy with me.  This me.  It IS about the skin and not so much the weight (but it's a pretty great freakin' bonus).  I don't feel trapped by my eating decisions or choices.  I don't feel stuck inside this unfamiliar body.  I feel when I made good eating choices, and feel it even more when I don't.

My happiness has affected my family.  Me being happy, leads to me being more pleasant, a bit more confident, and a lot less cranky (unless my 3 year old is throwing a tantrum).  And each relationship is our house is better for it.

I could not be more thankful to my Aunt for giving me the guidance and strength and ideas to push through with this.  She KNOWS her stuff.  And is so right about our body being about balance and how we need to listen to our body.  If you are having any health issues, or concerns and want to talk to her, you can contact Deb Lyons here.

It feels good to be happy!

Sunday Social.

1. What is the most difficult thing you have been through? Losing my Pop.  I truly believed that man would live forever.  The day that we got the phone call that he was being put on hospice, I was in shock.  I didn't believe it.  The only thing that weakened the blow was having him with us for the last month of his life.  There wasn't anything left unsaid, on either parts.  It will be two years on July 30th, and it oddly feels like it's been an eternity since he's been gone, but I also can't believe that it has been that long already.  Make sense?  I still have voicemails from him that I play regularly.  The happiness in his voice helps take the sting away.

2. What was your best birthday? I've had a bunch of really great ones, but I'd say my 30th has been the best so far.  It's the first one I've celebrated with BOTH of my girls, and then had a great night out with my family and friends.  I may also be partial to it because I am loving 30. 

3. What has been your favorite thing you've done in your own city? There's a couple that I can think of. 1) I love the 4th of July fireworks here.  They are so well done, and the town has a fun bad playing and slides and stuff for the kids. 2) There's a super exclusive golf club here in town, that like celebrities fly in to play on and this past month, we got to have dinner there (a work function for Hubs).  They had a cake from the Cake Boss (it was even filmed for the show), and the views were amazing.  It's fun to say that we've been there.  3) I love that we've found "our" little restaurant.  I used to always push Hubs to try new places and usually we weren't impressed.  So we stick to our favorite now. They know us by name, and have known us since before we were even engaged.

4. What is your idea of the perfect date night? Dinner and drinks, preferably on the water around sunset. With a live band.   

5. Have you ever been to a blogging conference? No.  And I don't plan on it any time soon.  The next chance I get at a getaway will be with my husband, a beach, and a big ole' umbrella drink!

Wins, Losses, and Other Current Statuses.

Wow, I cannot even tell you the last time that I opened up this page.  It has definitely been awhile, but there just hasn't been the time (or the motivation to be honest).  It seems with every free moment, I am sneaking in a shower, or a load of laundry, or some snuggles with whichever little lady of mine is available.  But, in the past week or so, I have been thinking about this space of mine.  Of how it's like a little form a therapy.  How it's my grown up activity, that requires no babysitter, lol, ok maybe sometimes I could use a sitter.  ANYWAY...

What's up with us?!  Tons.

Currently...

Addie is 7 months old!!! (WTF?!?!)  How the hell did that happen??? She is about 15lbs.  Not sure of the inches.  And the happiest little thing on Earth.  No, really.  I mean, of course she cries, duh, but it's mostly bc she needs something (or the DAMN teeth) and otherwise she has a smile on her face.

We don't ever call her Addison.  Maybe once every now and then.  But, mostly, it is Addie, Addie Kay, or Addiecakes.  Or Sissy.

Speaking of Sissy, they ADORE each other.  Before Gwen's eyes are even open in the morning she says, "Momma, is Addie Kay awake??"  And when Addie sees Gwen, she reaches for her face and pull her in for a nice slobber.  They both love it.

Gwen, will be 4 in September.  (I think I just had a heart attack.)  She just finished her first year of preschool with an adorable little "show" that they put on for us.  (Hubs and I could not stop crying. Saps.)  She just seems so grown up these days.  Why seems to be her favorite word, and testing mom's limits seem to be her favorite activity these days... but she's three and this is to be expected, or at least that is what I am telling myself so I don't lose my sanity.  All in all though, she is a GREAT kid, and I am constantly reminded of how lucky I am to be her mom... even when she is in time out. ;)

Wins.

Remember that little challenge I gave myself - "15 by 30" to lose 15lbs, change eating habits, yada yada yada?  Yeah, that didn't happen. Until now.  I've changed a lot of the way that I eat, I am trying to sneak in some exercises here and there, and since about Mother's Day, I have lost 20lbs.  Bam.  Not only do I feel better about myself (which inadvertently affects everyone else in the house), but I feel healthier.  I'm not done working on myself yet, but I am getting there.

Hubs did a little work to the backyard a few weeks back.. and now there is a place for Gwen to place.  She even has one of those bounce house things (yes, I am aware of all the stories of them flying away. I tie it down, no worries).  Why is this a "win"??? Because girlfriend is BEAT by the end of the day.  AND usually sleeps in til about 8am.

We just got back from vacation! And even though, I could already use another one, it was exactly what we needed.  It was even better than last year.  Gwen tore up the water park one day.  We beached it almost every other.  And Hubs even managed to sneak in some golf (surprise, surprise).  

Losses.

I've been feeling very overwhelmed in the "mom" department.  I feel like I get worked up too easily, that I get a little loud too often.  I just can't stand repeating myself 18,000,000 times... "Slow down."  "No Running." No. NO. NO.  It's exhausting. I'm trying to fix it... but sometimes easier said than done.

I don't give myself enough "me" time.  I don't ask for it often enough.  Which is probably what is causing the above problem mentioned.  I need to realize that it's ok to step away.  Completely alone.  That I'm not a bad mom for wanting to sneak away.  That it will most likely help me be a better mom.

Teething sucks.  And I forgot how bad it sucks.  Need I say more?

Other Stuff.
Gwen started dance class... and LOVES it!  It is probably the cutest thing I have ever seen, and I have to keep myself from tearing up while I watch her.

While on vacation, Addie started crawling!  It's all she wants to do now, she has been unleashed! Time to bring the gates back out!

My blog needs a revamping.  And do I need to change the name now?? Someone had mentioned that to me a while ago, but I just don't think that I could do it.  Maybe, one day, something will hit me, but until then, the name stays.

That's all, for now.  Hope it's not another few months before my next post ;)

I Have A Blog?!?

I can't believe that it has been SO long since I've written anything!! I have to be honest, I have rarely thought about this... and when I actually have thought about it, or even had a moment to write... I've chosen to nap.  Or do laundry.  Or watch shitty reality tv the news.  I just haven't had the energy, nor the oomph, to sit down and really write.  Sorry.

So I guess here's a little recap.

I've been a busy Momma.  Addie is growing so quickly! She's 3 months already (holy shizballs), "talks" all the time, is super smiley, and (knock wood) sleeping through the night.  She's 12 lb 12.5 oz.  23 inches long.  And such a sweetheart.

Gwen is 3 and 1/2 and going on 30.  I swear.  The things that come out of this kid's mouth make me laugh on the daily.  They also make me cringe sometimes too!  She's getting smarter by the minute it seems, and it makes her seem less and less like that little baby she once was.  She's a fabulous big sister and is just so in love with her "Addie-cakes."  Heart. Melt.

I'm sick of snow.  If it snows again, I may need to be committed to the psych ward.  No joke.  Being stuck inside with a toddler and newborn all winter has been exhausting.

THEN, the DAY is was not subarctic warmer out, it was like Oprah showed up, but instead of giving away a glamorous gift, we all got upper respiratory infections.
"YOU GET AN UPPER RESPIRATORY INFECTION!"
"AND YOU GET AN UPPER RESPIRATORY INFECTION!"
"UPPER RESPIRATORY INFECTIONS FOR EVERYOOOOOOOOOONE!'

Yeah.  That was awesome. Shouldn't moms not be able to get sick???  And of course, I was a mess that Addie was sick.  I knew she would be fine, but she was barely 3 months old, and there wasn't much I could do for her except snuggle her as much as possible.

We are all on the mend (of course Hubs didn't get sick), but it was definitely a long and exhausting week for us all.

Then, my brother and his wife welcomed their first child (and my first niece!) into the world!!  Beautiful baby Mackenzie made an early (about 3+ weeks) appearance into the world (just a few hours past her Daddy's birthday!).  She's super cute and I can't believe how tiny she is, especially next to Addie.  It seems FOREVER ago that she was that little. ::insert sad face::

Gwen went back to school for the first time in a week yesterday (Thank God), and then we had a low key St. Patrick's Day full of corned beef and a few drinks.

I'm sure that I am leaving out TONS of things, but it's all I've got for now ;)

Saturdays Top 5 Laughs :: Watch Your Mouth.

There have been multiple moments these past few weeks that have really stopped me in my tracks, all of them happening with Gwen.  She continues to prove to me that she is listening to EVERYTHING we say, especially me.  Of course, I know that it's because we are together all day, every day, but some days it feels like I am spending it with a mini me.  She has picked up many of the phrases that I use on a daily basis, and uses them... perfectly.

1. While attempting to get my attention one day, I was a little busy with Addie and wasn't giving her the quick response that she was looking for, she said, "Mom, how many times do I have to tell you?!?!"  Let me tell you, I just about died.  I admit that since Addison's birth, I have said this to Gwen more than I should, but sometimes I feel like a broken record.

2. Another day, I over heard her saying to her Daddy, "Ok, Dad, do this, and then we can do this.  Those are the rules."  Yup, I say that too.

3.  One of Hub's most frequent sayings when asked to do something is, "Give me two minutes."  Guess who picked that one up??  Yeah, it's not so fun when we say, "Gwen come here" and she says, "Okaaaaay, give me two minutes!"  Dammit.

4. Yesterday, Gwen was riding her rocking horse around the house and at a certain point she started to get a little crazy and really loud, so I asked her to calm down a little bit.  Her reply?  "Hold on, Mom, I'm just looking for a parking spot."  I couldn't even keep a straight face, because I say that to her on the regular when looking for parking near her school... she'll want to have a full on convo and I'll say, "Hold on, baby, Mommy has to look for a parking spot."  Little parrot she is.

5.  Although this isn't related to the "theme" of this post, I find it hysterical.  Since Gwen became a "big girl" on the potty, she has found it neccesary to a) kick us out when using the bathroom {she apparently needs her privacy} and b) yell "MOM, I've got a SURPRISE for you!" when done and in need of my services.  Lol.  Thanks, Gwen.

Five On Friday

1. BIG NEWS! Gwen is officially a big girl! We have conquered pooping on the potty!  I am so proud it's ridiculous!  She has been fighting me for so long, that I admit there were times I was about to give up hope.  But, she did it!! Thank the good Lord.  The only thing left to overcome is nighttime, which I am ok with right now, one step at a time!

2. CHILI PEPPERS.  Last weekend, my awesome cousin took me to see the Red Hot Chili Peppers in Brooklyn.  The show was pretty amazing.  I can't get over the fact that they are all 50+ and still kicking ass.  Flea literally walked across the staged on his hands.  Impressive.  And I am pretty sure I got a contact high from all the pot smoking going on around us.  Lol. Oh to be 21 again.

3. DE-FRIENDED. A few weeks ago, a "friend" {really just an acquaintance} de-friended me because he was tired of seeing my happy posts and family pictures.  Really, D-bag?!  I mean, I could care less, I mean I don't know when the last time I saw this guy in person, but you could have just silently removed me from your friend list, I didn't need a public bashing because you can't handle seeing someone happy.  I wouldn't have even noticed.  Good riddance, sir.  Hope life gets better for you.

4. GIFTS OF LOVE.  Gwen randomly came up to me last week and asked if we could go and get some "gifts of love" for her family and friends.  I was like, "What?  What are you talking about?"  My sweet girl was talking about Valentine's Day presents... how freakin cute!! So we have been talking about "gifts of love" all week.

5. 15 BY 30.  Sad to say {not really}, but the big 3-0 is rapidly approaching.  And although turning 30 doesn't bother me in the slightest, I WOULD like to start my 30s off with a bang.  So I am giving myself the goal of losing 15lbs by the big day.  It's more about changing my eating habits, getting more exercise in, and well, looking HOT for my 30th.  Funny part is that I don't even have actual plans yet for it, I just want to celebrate in a big, fun, hot way.  Wish me luck.

Happy Friday!  I'm keeping my fingers crossed that we don't get anymore snow... I've had enough.  I've had enough of being cooped up in my house with two kids and no adults to talk to.  Enough of my husband being a zombie because he is putting in crazy hours because of the snow.  Enough of school being cancelled and Gwen BEGGING for it every. single. day.  I've just had ENOUGH.  I'd like a beach and an umbrella drink STAT.  M'kay?  Thanks.  But, I guess I'll have to settle for red wine and reality tv.

Pavlov's Dogs Live Here.

I'm not sure how it happened, or how they even know, but BOTH of our children seem to be trained by Pavlov.  They could be completely immersed in something else, Addison sleeping ever so soundly in her swing, Gwen watching an episode of her fav show, yet the SECOND we {Hubs and I} sit down to eat, they instinctively decide to go BUCK WILD... simultaneously.

My fork hasn't even reached my mouth and Addison is awake and crying for a change or she needs to eat as well.  Meanwhile, Gwen is barreling down the hall with every toy she can carry, ready to tear apart the living for the ump-teenth time.

They just know.

They know that Mom and Dad are about to have some normalcy, a moment of peace together and think, "Hahahaha, not on our watch!  We'll take care of THAT!"

Now, Gwen, we can sort of  distract, with a snack or a movie, but Addie is in need of us, so dinner in shifts it is... again.

We just laugh at this point, because no matter what time we plan dinner for, they are on to us.

But, that's being a parent right?!?!  Putting them before yourself.  And hey, we've got plenty of years to eat a meal together.

Good thing they're adorable.

Addison Kay :: 1 Month

How in the world has one month {well more} gone by already?!?  Slooooooow down time, please.  It has been a whirlwind of a month+, between Addison's arrival, the holidays, and getting into a routine, so, I guess it's easy to see why it has flown by.

Height
Girlfriend grew two inches!  22 inches.

Weight
AND she gained two pounds!  That explains the CONSTANT eating she's been doing.  She houses at least 4 ounces every time she eats.

Diapers
Newborns currently, but when we run out of them {we don't waste diapers in this house}, I can easily put her into Size 1.  

Clothes
Newborn.  Even though she is gaining weight, she's still a tiny little peanut.  0-3 month clothing is definitely still big.  

Food
I am nursing and supplementing, so breast milk and formula.  I have been lucky that both of my babies were easy and nursed AND used a bottle.  Thanks girls :)

Sleep
The first two weeks she definitely had her nights and days mixed up, but I think we have corrected that ::knocks on wood::  She has one long stretch of sleep during the night from 11-11:30 until 5-ish, which is great! She is a loud sleeper though, constantly squeaking and grunting, which sometimes keeps me from getting "real" sleep.  

Naps
We've been trying to wake her up every few hours to make sure that she isn't wide awake when it is time for us to sleep.

Teeth
Nope, just a cute gummy smile!

*We've been calling her "Addie-cakes" {her Wela gave her that name} or Addie Kay*

Can't wait to see what this month brings!

Being In The Moment.

Although the past four weeks {btw I can't believe it has been four weeks already!} have been somewhat of a blur, I have been trying my hardest to stay within the moment.  Even when our toddler is tantruming crying because we put her dinner in the wrong bowl, while our newborn is wailing because she's hungry again, and as the dog is whining/barking to go outside for the fortieth time today... I am trying to just be present.  To not wish it away.  To soak it up.

Because they will never be this little again.  They are growing up by the minute.  Learning new things every second.  They depend on us less every day.  And once it's gone, we don't get it back.

So, I am really pushing myself.  Pushing myself to instead of seeing the nagging  of my toddler to do yet another puzzle, see the admiration  of my little girl that just wants to spend time with her Mommy.  To enjoy the fact that she still calls me "Momma" and with such innocence.  To really hear each and every "I love you"  and let it burn into my memory.

Pushing myself to instead of dreading the early 4am wake up call of my hungry/wet newborn, take the opportunity of my quiet house to sit and bond with her.  To soak up her little fingers and toes.  Her coos.  Her exploring eyes.  Her tight trusting grip on my finger.

Because tomorrow they will be older... not by much, but they will be.

It's not easy... to be in the moment.  Sure there are days that I am counting the seconds until bedtime.  That I need to get out of the house as soon as my husband gets home, even if just to the grocery store.  But, I have realized that one day I won't have these moments.  Yes, there will still be "moments" but they will be different, and I need to enjoy what I have now, while I have it.

We Have Kidsssss :: Our "Oh $hit!" Moments.

Sure.  We knew it was coming.  Obviously.  We knew that we were about to become a family of four.  BUT, that doesn't mean that we were prepared for those moments when it first hit us that we have children and not just a child.

Jason's happened first.

On the morning that Addie and I were supposed to come home there was a snowstorm that was about to hit our area.  My in-laws had a ride ahead of them to get home, so Jason and I decided that it would be best for him to get up early {he slept at the hospital with me} and pick up Gwen so they could head home before the snow, then he and Gwen would come to the hospital and pick us up.  

When he got back to the hospital he told me that he was pulling out of our driveway and as he looked in the rear view mirror he saw two car seats.  "Oh shit!" he said.  We have two kids.  We have kidssssss.  

"How funny?!" I thought to myself, laughing at his panic.

Then it happened to me.

A friend of mine and I were texting and as we were saying our goodbyes, she wrote, "K kiss the girls for me."

Girlsssss. She just said GIRLS.  Like more than one. "OH SHIT."  I'm responsible for more than one.  I'm a mom of two.  A stay-at-home  mom of two.  They out number me now... until Daddy gets home.

Of course we are on cloud nine, but that doesn't mean that we aren't allowed to have those "Oh shit" moments.  Because it can be quite an overwhelming thing, being someone's parent, let alone, more than one someone's parent.

Mom, WHAT Are You Taking Pictures Of?!?

Moments before Addison's delivery, I asked either my mom or Jason to get the camera out and prepare to snap away at our new little princess.  Jason decided that he would rather my mom take the pictures so that he could really be in the moment with me, and my mom happily accepted the task.

Just as they were prepping everything for her arrival and I assumed the position {lol, sorry if tmi}, my mom stood in front and to the left of me.  She was just hanging there, when all of a sudden she picked up the camera and aimed it across me to Jason... but it looked like she was about to shoot some candids of my hoo-haa... so naturally, I reacted...

"Mom, WHAT are you taking pictures of?!?!"

She paused and said, "Well I was going to take a picture of Jason, but it's not working"

And then it hit me, I had set the timer to take 10 pictures that morning while taking pictures of Gwen kissing my belly... and it was just about to snap away.  

"Oh, mom, hurry give it to me!" {Yes, I was just about to push and took a break to fix the camera.}

But it was too late... 

As she was walking towards me, camera now pointing directly in the WRONG place, it began to take 10, I repeat TEN pictures.  I shit you not. click. click. click. click. click. click. click. click. click. click.

I just about died laughing.  My mother had just unknowingly taken X rated photos of her daughter.  Lol!!  

We all had a big laugh about it, I fixed the camera, and then it was back to business.

It was a nice little moment of comic relief right before the big moment, but Thank God for the delete button.

Only me people, only me.

*****

Happy Gwens-day, lovies!

And hey, look at me blogging three days in a row.  Impressive.  No?? 

Big Sister Gwen

All throughout my pregnancy, I made my "fears" for this next stage of our lives very well known.  A major one being how Gwen would react to being a big sister and no longer having us and the house all to herself.

I am happy to report... she's been amazing.

I can't lie, she has exceeded my expectations and put all of my fears to rest.  Does that mean that there haven't been moments with her that I have wanted to pull my hair out??  No, of course not.  She's THREE.  Those moments would be there with or without another child in the picture.

But, as a big sister??  She rocks.

She adores her "Addie Kay."  She wants to help with every task - feeding, burping, changing, diapering, bathing, EVERYTHING.  She gives me the play by play if I step away from Addison for a moment - "Mom, the baby's crying."  "Mom, she's waking up!" "Mom, I think she's hungry!"  She's like my human baby monitor.

And all she wants to do is hold her and kiss her and love on her.  It makes my heart explode.

Now, I am realistic and know that this won't ALWAYS be the case, but in this time of transition, it is EXACTLY what we needed.  I love that Gwen loves her and is proud of her and is happy she is here.

Yesterday Gwen went back to school wearing her "Big Sister" shirt and bringing her teachers a birth announcement {which btw I am in love with}.  Her teachers made a big deal about her becoming a big sister, made her a special hat, and had Gwen wearing a huge smile when she walked out of class.

So overall, the "sibling" thing is going well... so far.  Now, I must admit that I have some work to do on myself and my patience being a stay-at-home mom of two.  I am ashamed to say that I have raised my voice more than I should have.  That I have lost my cool more times than I would have liked to.  But, I am adjusting too.  I'm working on balancing it all, while not losing myself along the way.  Baby steps.  That's what I keep telling myself.

*****

Moms of two+, how was the "adjusting" period for you? What survival tips do you have??

...And A Pop In A Pear Tree

Yes, yes, I know... bad blogger.  But, cut me some slack... I just had a baby.  And I have a toddler.  AND it was the holidays.  SO, back up off me, will ya??  Today we finally returned to reality, no more Christmas activities (ok we still have ONE more, but that's not til the weekend), school started again, and we can finally try to get a routine going in this crazy house of ours.

Let me apologize for my absence, wish you a Merry Christmas, and a very Happy New Year first.  I hope that your Holiday season and celebrations were full of fun.  To say that our Christmas is BIG is an understatement.  Let me break it down for you this way...  

Gwen and Addie have:

Numerous Aunts and Uncles

4 Grandmothers

3 Grandfathers

3 Great Grandmothers

And a Pop (Great Grandfather)... in a pear tree.  Lol. 

So you can only imagine the amounts of gifts that come into our house... PLUS all the gifts that were brought for Addie's birth and for Gwen becoming a big sister.  Our house has been Giftapalooza since Addie was born... and it looks every bit the part.

Truth is, our girls are so loved (and spoiled) by our families, that Santa caught a bit of break this year.  

We didn't travel ANYWHERE this Christmas (THAT is a gift in itself), and we had many wonderful Christmases with each an every one... expect our nephew Carter and his Mommy and Daddy.  The sickies caught both of our houses, so we have had to reschedule... more than once.  Fingers crossed we all stay healthy and get to see them Sunday.

New Year's Eve we spent here, well, upstairs, with my besties {one lives upstairs with her husband, Jason's cousin}, and our kids.  Well, they obviously went to bed, but they were technically there.  It was simple and comfy {we all rocked our pjs}, just what we needed.  It was this Momma's first night of "partying" aka "more than one cocktail" and boy did my head hurt in the am.  Hangovers and children don't mix my friends.  They actually work against each other!  Anyway, we all survived and had a fabulous New Year.

I REALLY hope to be blogging more often, but I can't promise anything.  My free time, well, it doesn't exist.  And if it did, I can't say that I would spend all of it blogging, but I do love how this is a little online journal of our lives, so I'll do my best.

Hang in there, peeps.  Thanks!